Breaths (A Stream of Consciousnesses)

Inhale. Exhale.

Inhale. Exhale.

I counted the rhythm. My bare arm laying over the top of its massive brown feathered body. Its chest rising and falling in sync with the expansion of lungs. My arm rising and falling with the chest.

What a simple thing a sign of life can be.

How fragile that simplicity is.

I looked to its beak in admiration of the design of its body–Brown Pelicans, funny as they are, are built perfectly for their job. Galleons of the sea.

As the anesthesia began to flow, the bird’s wings flapped in protest. It was waking–not reacting to the medicine. I used my arm to push the wings back safely around its body until it fell asleep, then we could finally do a condition check and assess his trauma.

For a moment, frozen in time, my breath synced with the bird. And I felt lucky. Lucky to be so close to something that belongs to this ancient eco-system. Humbled to know that we are not as far removed as we believe from nature and living things. Humans, after all, often think too highly of themselves.

And then, my arm stopped. The movement of the feathered body slowed to nothing. And like that, he was gone.

I stared down at the lifeless body of the pelican and sighed into a silence that broke with a gurgle as I carefully pulled the tube from its trachea. The stench of fish and ocean filled the room. Dim eyes peered in no direction. “I should be used to this now,” I thought. But I never was. This happens all too often.

The determined cause of death was led poisoning. We were just too late. The bird’s body not strong enough to support it as it went under. The pelican survived being shot, its delicate wings and hollow bone structure in tact… only to be slowly poisoned. If this had been in the wild, another animal would probably eat the carcass of the Pelican–poisoning at least two animals instead of one. And the cycle of this would continue onward.

That is one thing we often fail to see when we are too inside of ourselves. The beauty in how things are intertwined. The dangers in failing to acknowledge this. Ripple effects and footprints and chemicals. What would happen if we all stopped to consider our actions? If, like a video game, our choices were mapped out before us? Would we hesitate? Or is apathy or ignorance a choice that we make?

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